Edward Cullen VS Santa Claus
by Funny Village Idiot
Summary: It's Edward, Bella, and Renesmee's second Christmas together, and Alice decides that they all go to the mall for Christmas shopping. What happens when Renesmee decides that she wants to go tell “Santa” what she wants for Christmas? Bella's POV
1. Chapter 1

**Edward Cullen VS Santa Claus**

Summary: - It's Edward, Bella, and Renesmee's second Christmas together, and Alice decides to go for a trip to the mall for Christmas shopping. What happens when Renesmee decides that she wants to go tell "Santa" what she wants for Christmas? Involves Emmett randomness, and "special" Edward moments. Bella POV

It was a beautiful morning. The sun is shining, birds are singing. My immortal husband was in bed next to me, and I had the most perfect child, I could ever ask for. Renesmee. Could life get any better?

Edward hugged me closer to his body, and I responded by resting my head on his chest.

"I love you" he grinned.

"No…I love you" I smiled back

"No…I love you MORE" he laughed.

"I love you most"

"I love you times infinity"

"Well…I love you times infinity MORE"

"I love you times infinity MOST"

"Um…I love you times infinity, MOSTER"

He frowned in defeat.

"Fine. You win this round."

I laughed, and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"BELLA! EDWARD! Get up, it's almost Christmas! We have to go SHOPPING!" screeched Alice.

Great. She had to ruin the moment. How did she get into the house anyway?

I groaned, and crossed my arms together. Alice was really annoying sometimes. She knows I hate shopping.

"Bella, come on, Renesmee's waiting. She's all ready and everything" Alice yelled again.

"We should probably go; Alice will probably rip us into pieces, if we try to skip this trip. Remember what happened last time?" whispered Edward.

I flinched when I thought back, the last time I tried to get away from Alice and her crazy shopping trips.

I could never look at Alice the same way again after that.

I got up, and put on my favorite sky blue sweater, and a pair of black skinny jeans. I checked myself in the mirror. Still flawless as ever. Edward had put on a dark green, long sleeved shirt, and normal dark blue jeans. Just looking at him, made me feel dazzled.

I applied some lip-gloss, and brushed my hair a couple of times. Not a hair out of place.

I put on sneakers.

"Come on, we better get going" Edward said.

We walked out of our room, and found Alice pacing in the living room.

"Where have you two been? The mall opened 2 hours ago, and you guys are still in bed? What world do you live in?" she ranted.

Me and Edward looked at each other, and shook our head in disbelief.

Renesmee was sitting on the couch, and immediately smiled when she saw our faces.

"Mama, Papa!" she smiled.

She lifted up her hands, indicating that she wanted to be held.

Edward picked her up, and gave her a hug.

"How's my little princess this morning?"

"I'm fine, and I slept really good last night!"

She placed her hand on Edward's cheek.

"Aw, that's nice sweetheart" he told her.

He brushed her a strand of her hair out of her face, and handed her to me.

"Hey sweetie"

She placed her hand on my cheek.

An image of Alice dressing her up, and complaining about how she needed new clothes and that I don't shop enough.

I started laughing.

"Mummy, where are we going?" Renesmee asked.

"We're going to the mall, to Christmas shop, since Alice is insisting" I told her.

"Christmas is coming? Will I get to see Santa?" she grinned.

I felt Edward flinch beside me. He had some sort of grudge against Santa Claus for some reason. I never got to ask.

"Yes, Santa will be there" I assured Renesmee

About 2 months ago, Emmett told Renesmee all about Santa Claus. He insisted that all kids have to know about Santa, and that it was a tradition. When we told him that Santa Claus didn't exist, he put his hands over his ears, and started chanting: **I can't hear you, lalalala!**

Poor guy. He's in denial.

"Will Jakey be there too?"

I looked at Alice, who nodded.

"Everyone is going, don't worry about it. Even the mutt is ready. Come on, we are already 15 minutes late!"

I took a deep breath, and we all walked out of the house together. We ran off to the Cullen household. Emmett and Rosalie were sitting on the jeep, Esme and Carlisle next to the Black Mercedes, and Jasper was next to Alice's yellow Porsche. Last but not least, Jacob was waiting near Edward's shiny Volvo.

Alice skipped to Jasper, and gave him a peck at his lips. He returned the favor and placed his arm around her waist.

"Nessie!" shouted Jacob gleefully.

"Jakey!" Renesmee yelled back. She placed out her arms towards Jacob.

He took her out of my arms, and gave her a bear hug.

"Hey Edward, Bella" he grinned.

"Hey Jake" I smiled.

"Jacob, pleasure to see you…again" said Edward.

"Jakey, guess what, guess what!"

"What, Nessie?"

"We're gonna see Santa!" She said joyfully..

If there was one thing that made Renesmee crazy, just mention Santa Claus.

"Really? Awesome!"

Jake was like putty in Renesmee's hands. I smiled at that thought.

"Now what's all the fuss about?" said Rosalie. She walked over, with an overjoyed Emmett beside her.

"Aunty Rose, we're gonna see Santa" said Renesmee.

"We are?!" Emmett yelled in shock.

Renesmee nodded.

"Rose, did you hear that? We're gonna see Santa! When I see him, I'm gonna ask him for a new-"

"EMMETT…I don't wanna know…knock it off" snarled Rosalie.

Emmett leaned over to Renesmee and whispered quietly.

"I'm telling Santa that Rose was being naughty this year"

Rosalie ended up smacking Emmett on the back of his head.

"Alright people. Can we go now?" whined Alice.

We all agreed, and I strapped Renesmee on her car-seat, in the Volvo. Jacob sat next to her, and I sat in the passenger seat next to Edward.

Let me just say, it was a short awkward moment in the car, since no one was talking. Even though Edward doesn't pass 120km/hr with Renesmee in the car, we reached Seattle's largest mall in only 30 minutes.

We found a great parking space, near the main entrance, and got out of the car. Me and Edward held Renesmee's hand and crossed the street, with Jacob right behind us.

Alice and the others were already there. Alice looked pretty mad though.

"Come on, Come on, let's move out. Esme, you, Carlisle, me and Jasper will head out in that direction, while Emmett, Rose, Edward, Bella, Renesmee, and Jake goes that way"

She started pointing in random directions.

"Come on, GO, GO, And GO!"

We all started moving.

All the shops were having a huge sale.

We decided to split up, and all the men go shopping for Christmas gifts, while I, Rose, and Renesmee go for clothes.

We entered a clothes shop, and started shopping for Renesmee. I found all these really cute outfits for Renesmee, and in 10 minutes I already got her about 15-20 outfits.

"Hey Bells, I found an awesome one," said Rose.

She showed me a pure white dress, with grey stockings, and white ballerina shoes.

"Add it to the pile Rose" I pointed at the overflowing trolley.

She tossed it in.

"Okay lets find some for the guys, but I think we are gonna need another 3 trolleys at least" I giggled.

"Are you kidding? I think we need about 5 more!" she giggled.

"Let's go!"

After about 4-5 hours, and 3 dozen shops later, we met up with the guys again.

We saw their eyes widen in shock at the amount of shopping bags we were carrying.

"Don't get too excited boys, just wait till Alice comes around" said Rosalie.

I think Edward was going to faint.

We walked around looking for a seat. In the middle of our search we passed one of those fake "Meet Santa" centers that you always find in malls.

'Mummy, Daddy! ITS SANTA!" screamed Renesmee.

"Edward, Jacob, and Emmett, take Renesmee to "Santa", while we find some place to sit down" I told them.

I watched as Edward sulked and marched off, Renesmee in hand, with Jacob, and Emmett.

We found a great place with a view of "Santa Claus" and the guys.

And believe me, its not looking good.

While they were standing in line, Emmett kept on jumping up and down, nearly knocking down all the poor children in the process. When it reached their turn, Emmett jumped on Santa's lap, making the man nearly topple due to Emmett's weight.

"Santaaaaaaaa! What I want for Christmas, is a jetpack, and a new bike, and a new video game, plus I've always wanted a-" Emmett started.

We could hear everything, due to our extended hearing.

"AHHHH….get OFF me you big buffoon"

I was laughing at that one and laughed even harder, when Rose went up to him, and pulled Emmett by the ear back to our table.

"But Rose…I was a good boy this year" he pouted.

"SHUT UP EMMETT…YOU'RE SO EMBARRASSING!. You're a grown man, knock it off!" she screamed at him.

"FINE. BE THAT WAY" he said.

Anyway, it was Renesmee's turn next, and Edward looked sickened, as Jake placed her on Santa's lap.

"And what would you like for Christmas little girl?" he asked

But Edwards sickened expression turned into rage, when the Santa guy, placed his hand on Renesmee's shoulders.

"Don't touch my daughter!" he yelled. He pulled Renesmee off his lap, and gave her to Jake. He proceeded to beat the crap out of the man.

"DADDY NO!" Cried Renesmee.

Rose and I panicked, while Emmett was in shock.

What the hell was going on?

Me and Rose ran between the frightened and crying children, and managed to pull Edward off the fake Santa.

The Santa guy, didn't look like he was in a good condition though. His nose seemed broken, and he had several bruises on his head. He had a black eye, and was swearing his ass off.

"WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT?!" I screamed at him.

Security men, grabbed Edward, and dragged him off to the "Mall Jail" place.

"You're coming with me son"

He walked off, with them, without causing a fight at least.

Jacob however, was trying to calm down a ballistic Renesmee, who was crying her butt off.

"Shhhh…honey its okay" I comforted her.

She looked at me, and said the most shocking thing I've heard from her yet.

"I hate daddy." She mumbled, and more tears crawled down her face. Jake held her closer and we all walked to the mall jail **(sorry people I don't know what it's called)**

The Chief wanted to talk to us privately.

"Ma'am you have two choices. Pay the fine, or make your husband work community service"

Rose was about to suggest paying the fine, but I remembered Renesmee's sad face, and so I made my decision.

"No Rose. I want Edward to pay his time in Community service. Officer what does he have to do?"

"Well since our Santa worker, is injured, he won't be able to work his job. Your husband, will have to take his place for the entire month until the 25th of December"

I knew that this was the perfect punishment for him, and counted the days he had to work. He had to do his job, for 13 days starting tomorrow. The officer released Edward, who of course due to his mind reading ability knew what he had to do.

We walked silently out of the office, and I called Alice, to tell her we were leaving early, due to a "complication"

I knew that of course, She knew what happened, and she told me that she'll catch up with me later then.

The entire trip back home was silent, and I knew Edward knew that I was going to yell at him at home.

**A/N: - How was that? Don't worry, in the next chapter, you'll know why he hurt the Santa man. It makes me laugh really because of the reason, and I'm sure you are going to laugh too :) Haha…Imagine…Edward as Santa XD A very hot santa :P**


	2. Chapter 2

**Edward Cullen VS Santa Claus**

Summary: - It's Edward, Bella, and Renesmee's second Christmas together, and Alice decides to go for a trip to the mall for Christmas shopping. What happens when Renesmee decides that she wants to go tell "Santa" what she wants for Christmas? Involves Emmett randomness, and "special" Edward moments. Bella POV

We went to drop Jake off at the reservation border, and we went on our way back to the Cullen household. Edward and I still didn't speak to each other, and Renesmee fell asleep in the backseat.

We reached home about 10 minutes later. I unstrapped Renesmee, from her car-seat, and I ran to the cottage in the woods. I opened the door, and walked to her room. I walked into her room, and stared at the bed for 1 second and then at Renesmee the next.

I decided to keep holding her for a while. I stood in front of the window, and cradled Renesmee against my chest.

It was easy to keep a position like this. I couldn't understand why humans, had to keep fidgeting and moving around all the time.

I could stay like this for a week, and still be comfortable. I started to think about how I was so happy this morning, and how it came to this conclusion.

Renesmee being angry at Edward for hurting her "hero" you could call it.

I being angry at him, for hurting the poor man for god knows what reason.

I heard the floorboards creak, and I knew Edward was coming into the room.

I gently placed Renesmee down into her cot, and sat at the couch next to her cot to watch her.

I saw Renesmee whimper a bit, and I got a bit more annoyed at Edward again.

I heard Edward open the door, and he sat next to me.

"Bells, listen-"

"I don't want to listen, Edward. What the Hell were you thinking back there? You could have killed the poor man" I cut him off.

"Look Bella I can explain" he said

"Explain what Edward? Tell me one thing? Why do you have a grudge against Santa Claus so much?"

"Okay fine, I'll tell you"

"I'm waiting…" I said impatiently.

"Well, Santa is a stalker"

I nearly fell down from laughter.

"What? Santa is a jolly old guy who likes to give gifts to the good. He's not a bad guy, Edward" I explained.

"Oh yea? Then how does he know if you've been good or bad huh? And you know the Christmas song "Santa Claus is coming to town"? There's a line that goes like this.

_He knows when you are sleeping. And he knows when you're awake._

"Isn't that Creepy?! He's checking us out no matter what?!" snarled Edward.

"Umm…Edward?!" I started, but he cut me off again.

"And this guy is a pedophile Bells"

"How Edward? Care to enlighten me with this new piece of information?" I smirked.

"Bella…He likes…to put…Kids…on his…lap. Doesn't that mean anything to you? And what kind of laugh is Ho, Ho, Ho?" He cried out.

I think that was the only moment of my vampire life that I fell down like that.

When I got up again, I yelled at Edward in a low volume to not wake Renesmee up.

"EDWARD...I expected this sort of thing from Emmett, and it comes from you? First of all, Santa Claus isn't real. He's a story that adults made up, to make kids think that someone is giving them gifts. And second, if Santa thought like that, couldn't you read his mind and check?!" I ranted.

"Oh yeah. Oops. I forgot I could do that" He laughed nervously.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU FORGOT?"

Edward got up, and backed away from me.

"Did you know your daughter hates you right now, and you know what? You're going to fix it Edward Anthony Mason Cullen. You're going to act as Santa Claus for the next 13 days, and you're going to make things up with your daughter. Do I make myself clear? And there will be no sex till then"

I saw Edward stiffen, and his eyes were pleading, but it didn't work this time.

"NO…You're going to do it, and that's that"

I left the room, and went outside. I needed to hunt.

**-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x**

I just caught a nice mountain lion. I've become better at this, and I don't make a big mess out of it either. It wasn't great, but it was enough to quench my thirst.

2 deer and 1 bear later, I was full, and I went back to the house.

I hoped Renesmee didn't wake up yet. It was about 7am.

**-x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x**

I reached back home, and thank god, Renesmee didn't wake up yet. That was kind of strange though. She usually woke up at this time. I guess yesterday's events had worn her out.

Edward was out of sight, and so I guess he went off outside to think, or hunt.

I brushed a strand of hair away from Renesmee's face, and stared at her angelic face. I smiled and placed her hand on my cheek.

Many faces, including mine, Edward's and Jacob's were there, but a faint image of Santa's bruised face came up.

I placed her hand down, and got out of her room slowly, in order to not wake her up.

I decided to think about what will happen to Edward. I scoffed a bit, as I thought about his "reasons" to attack the man.

Imagine. Santa Claus, a pedophile, danger to all children.

I shook my head, laughing a bit about his stupidness. He didn't even bother to read the guy's mind.

Well, the perfect punishment is here. He's going to dress up as Santa, and he **WILL** try to regain his daughter's trust again.

No more than precisely 37 minutes later, I heard the covers and sheets rustle. Renesmee has awoken.

I walked into her room, and found her rubbing her eyes, and yawning.

"Are you alright honey?" I asked her slowly.

She nodded slowly.

"Is Santa gonna be alright?" she whimpered.

"Don't worry sweetheart. He's all better now, and we may see him in a few days" I assured her.

A smile crept on her face.

"Come on now, Aunty Alice, wants you to try on your new clothes"

Renesmee sighed and lifted up her arms.

I carried her, and ran off to the Cullen household.

Alice was standing at the door, waiting for Renesmee obviously.

"Aww how's my Favorite niece?" She cooed.

"More like her only niece" snickered Emmett from inside.

A smack was heard, and an: "OWWW Rose, what was that for?" could be heard in the background.

"So anyway…I know a special someone, who wants to try on some new clothes" smiled Alice.

Renesmee shuddered in my arms.

Alice carried her off, into her room, while Renesmee was giving the "please help me" look.

Alice sure picks her moments, because at that exact time, Edward came into the room.

"Bella honey, can we talk about this?" he pleaded.

"No"

"Do I really have to dress up as an old fat guy all day?"

"Yes, and you are GOING to befriend your daughter in the process"

"WHAT?!"

"That's THAT…" I yelled.

He pinched the bridge of his nose, and took a deep breath. Then he looked at me, straight in the eyes.

"And HOW, am I supposed to do that?" he snarled.

"Be creative, and do it…Not for me…for your baby girl" I told him off.

I went back out to our cottage, and to our bedroom closet. I grabbed the Rented Santa suit, and raced back to the Cullen household. I threw the suit at Edward.

"Here's the suit, now get ready for today's job in Seattle grand Mall" I half yelled.

This was going to be a long day, I just knew it.


	3. Apologies

Hello my readers. I know you all probably hate me right now, but honestly I just have no time for fanfiction anymore. One of my friends would be glad to continue this story if you guys still want to read on. Her fanfiction account is 'ThenameisS'. She'll start writing it as soon as possible. Of course she'll edit the first and second chapters.

I'm again sorry for the trouble. This story will be deleted once she uploads the first chapter. Have a good day!


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